A is A.

All of a sudden I know what it feels like to have been so wrong, to know it, and to now be right. I know what I used to strive for and I was wrong in that. I don't want love that is unearned. I want love as a reflection of how I value myself. I will not give myself up, in the manner of my mind or my body to anyone who does not value themselves in the same way. That is why I am so fussy, that is why I never commit.

I don't mean that my past life has been wrong, just that I had never been awakened what I truly want. I owe this to the book, Atlas Shrugged. I never thought that one book could change the way I looked at life, but it has. I cannot explain fully to someone how it has changed me, unless they too have read it.

Firstly, I consider it an achievement that I got through the thousand odd pages.

Secondly, reading it marked the first milestone in my journey to become someone like the people in that book, because I understand, which is enough to show me how I want to live. It's not a matter of everyone working together, rather, individuals earning their place in the world through the power of their mind and abilities. I fully intend to use everything I have for my own personal success, and though it sounds really selfish, it wouldn't if you read the book and understood. I can't explain this to anyone - even I'm not that articulate - I can't force understanding on someone, I can only show, only demonstrate, only prove. I cannot make anyone believe, other than those who acknowledge my honesty.

You would think, as I did, that one has to be like Hank Rearden was - appearing not to feel. But he did. He looked so selfish, but that didn't stop him from loving. And it's not the love that everybody and anybody sings about, but the love that is and can only be deserved by equals who value themselves as much as they admire each other.

It is mindblowing...