More Drama.

I just want to throw my shoe.

Partly because I almost did this morning at a certain Ball-less someone because of their being Ball-less.

Partly because I don't get what people want me to do. Do you want me to admit to false allegations, I mean, I can't be more honest than saying I didn't do it.

Partly because you can't trust anyone.

I thought I knew that.

Partly because I'm helpless - it's their word against mine - and it makes me so tired to defend myself, but I have to. Maybe I should say nothing. Just get on with whatever I'm doing. That's probably the most sensible option.

I'm only doing the best I can, and I'm not going to apologise when that's not enough.

Partly because the two people I have a thing for aren't available - one because of a mere 12 years and the other because they like someone else. So, really, I'm alone.

The only promising thing right now is that I look hot in a leather jacket.

ZOMG

My God, I am tired. I have had the most random weekend and it's only Saturday night.

I must say, I am never going to borrow anything or look after anything for anyone, because obviously, I fail, and end up having a panic attack whenever I do...

There were upsides and downsides to the weekend - Friday night was awesome, Trivia was shit, but the theme and my outfit and buying my own drink from the bar (UNDERAGE!) was pretty cool. Oh and I had the best hugger ever give me a hug. Love those hugs, wished I owned them...

I like Scottish tourists, no matter how old they are.

And today - my gosh, what a day. Started early with a heart attack or panic attack, then running around the area trying to find someone who could fix my problem. Failed, but succeeded, but failed, then took a motorbike trip to the city, to get something that would fix my dilemma. Now, THAT was fun. Borrowed my mum's leather jacket and bike helmet from her bike days and jetted into the city. Love it. So much fun. Got the goods, came home.

Messaged Scottish friend, talked, then went to hockey after having a few pre-drinks in my shed. Gotta love the strongbowww! Then had VB and blue tongue, thank you to those who shouted me drinks. (l) and a strawberry daiquiri! YUMMM. Was still wearing the bike jacket. Love that. I liked talking to the hottie from moorebank and the spanish guy. Shame I had to leave kinda earlier than I had hoped... and yes, I really should go to bed.... Night!

In legal at the moment with the Canvas (aka Donuthead) and he just said that if you put white-out on his arse, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference 'cause his arse is so white.
LOL
Oh, yeah, I was supposed to write about the Scottsman but I can't be bothered right now so... laters!

Motor-head

Well, I'm in Religion next to Motor. I am reading The Fountainhead. That is all.

News flash!

Okay, so here is an update on my school life:

The Bee and I are fighting over who can sound the most stupid by saying words like Christian sound like Kristie-Anne. The Bee makes really awkward sounds all the time and in the wrong moments, then we had a severely inappropriate about the Dropout dating It. Well, that had to be stopped quick smart! Or quick stupid! HAHA.
And now I’ll talk about the Wookie – he got a bit weird yesterday when the subject of relationships came up. I had to run away from him, like, literally run! He is scary and highly uncoordinated.
Then I had a conversation with Rafiki about all the smart people he knoew and then spoke to one of said smart friends.

Inerrupting the broadcast this evening:

This has been copied from:
Uhm, my first blog on Windows Live.
10 August:
I just figured I would try this, considering I usually blog elsewhere and quite enjoy it. Right now I'm excited about the future, namely, Ski Trip, later this week, The Fountainhead, also this week, and just lif ein general at which I plan to work very, very hard. I suppose that this is partly because well, that's just how I roll, you know, but also partly because of "Atlas Shrugged". I never really thought a book could change my life, but this book proved it could and has. I think it is rally important that I don't try to explain it, because it's insanely complicated. It explained a lot about what I already had within me, especially about relationships, I mean, the standards I have and why I won't go out with just anyone, and it comes back to self value, the mind and ability. But anyway, that's too deep for a first blog post.

Perth and I were in a debate today - as the affirmative- , about whether governments should fund independent schools. I think we won, due to our supreme intellectual arguments and the other team's inability to organise themselves. I must give credit to Perth though, for this: "discriminagating". Well done, love, you made my day.

=) We are the champions =)

I can't begin to explain how awesome it is to have someone who actually gets what you're talking about and feels the same. Thank you, Rafiki, for your existence, as you are, because without knowing that you exist in the same frame of mind as me, I would feel both alone and insane. It's great to know that other people of intellect exist at our school. =D

x

A is A.

All of a sudden I know what it feels like to have been so wrong, to know it, and to now be right. I know what I used to strive for and I was wrong in that. I don't want love that is unearned. I want love as a reflection of how I value myself. I will not give myself up, in the manner of my mind or my body to anyone who does not value themselves in the same way. That is why I am so fussy, that is why I never commit.

I don't mean that my past life has been wrong, just that I had never been awakened what I truly want. I owe this to the book, Atlas Shrugged. I never thought that one book could change the way I looked at life, but it has. I cannot explain fully to someone how it has changed me, unless they too have read it.

Firstly, I consider it an achievement that I got through the thousand odd pages.

Secondly, reading it marked the first milestone in my journey to become someone like the people in that book, because I understand, which is enough to show me how I want to live. It's not a matter of everyone working together, rather, individuals earning their place in the world through the power of their mind and abilities. I fully intend to use everything I have for my own personal success, and though it sounds really selfish, it wouldn't if you read the book and understood. I can't explain this to anyone - even I'm not that articulate - I can't force understanding on someone, I can only show, only demonstrate, only prove. I cannot make anyone believe, other than those who acknowledge my honesty.

You would think, as I did, that one has to be like Hank Rearden was - appearing not to feel. But he did. He looked so selfish, but that didn't stop him from loving. And it's not the love that everybody and anybody sings about, but the love that is and can only be deserved by equals who value themselves as much as they admire each other.

It is mindblowing...

Freedom

What I love about being alive is the freedom to say what I want and do what I want as soon as I am old enough to do it. I have come to realise that you have to work as hard as you can, for yourself in honesty. It's not about what job you have, but your attitude towards it. How can anyone live without sticking to their morals in every domain of their lives. You can't change everyone else, but you can change yourself. You can hold on to your own virtue and your own mind and your own ability, and that's all you have to live by. One should not submit to the will of others, because if everyone was concerned with the way they operated themselves, then there wou'd be no corrupt governments, because we would all understand that the world does not operate successfully by force, but by the freedom of the mind to dream and achieve. If no one feels guilty about what they are capable of, and nobody demands that they volunteer themselves as human sacrifices to the people of corruption, then I have a feeling it would be alright.
I wish that more people had the courage, the bravery, the confidence, to be completely honest like I try to be. Lies are not painful to those they deceive, not at all. They hurt the person whose lips they escape and whose mind thought them. It makes me sad that people lie, when it is unnecessary. I mean, do not answer if you are going to lie. Say nothing so no lie should escape - your expression will betray you anyway.

"The saddles that became pillows beneath the stars"