Saturday, May 23, 2009

Remember those walls I built

"well baby, they're tumbling down

and they didn't put up a fight,

they didn't even make a sound..."



The rain. So good, but simultaneously so shit. I hate being stuck in it in winter; I'm one for the summer rain.



I've been reading a lot these days. Some things I've been reading don't make sense because they're so hypocritical. And I don't mean books. I've come to realise that we're all the same somehow; in one way or another.

I was just thinking a bit too rapidly right now, wishing that my fingers, pens and keyboard could keep up with my 200km/h race car brain. Not trying to sound up myself, but my mind is so much faster than any writing implement. Anyway, what I was thinking was sort of a debate; should I live for the now or for the later. I don't want to deny myself a good future and fuck me for this next thing, but the now is the Opportunity Cost. Ultimately sacrificing a social life that's [no offence] probably not worth having [chances are it won't last].

I feel like there are two parts to the whole that I am. Two separate dreams. Two risks. Two passions.
Who the hell do I want to be?
I'm caught between the sad girl that looks at herself without make-up and thinks, no wonder I'm not the one with the boyfriends or cliques, no wonder I get called a nerd and am loved more so by the staff than my peers. Then there is the other girl, the one that doesn't give a fuck if people look at her like she's a nerd, because I read books like there's no tomorrow and make Trig palm cards. I want to go somewhere but I also just want to know myself. One comes before the other. Or maybe they're collective? Who knows. I sure as shit don't.

Announcement:
  • This nerd is dropping extension maths.
  • This nerd is trying to get my skin half decent.
  • This nerd is not gonna give a fuck about what you say, then go home and cry in the shower so that the water drowns out the sound. =]

Now, I just thought this was particularly cute.


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